San Antonio Driving Tips, Dec 2 2008 (Be The Asshole)

Always, always drive like you are the most important driver on the road with absolutely no respect for other drivers on the road, i.e. be the ASSHOLE to others on the road. It is the key to earning the respect of other drivers. Some things to keep in mind to become the most respected ASSHOLE on the San Antonio roads:

• Never yielding to other drivers.
• Never allowing other drivers to enter the highway.
• Cutting off drivers by crossing two or more lanes at a time
• Cutting off drivers waiting to make a left turn in the only left turn lane or right turn in the right turn lane.
• Cutting off drivers braking for red lights or stop signs.
• Cutting off drivers making turns or exiting the highway.
• Always tailgating drivers that are driving within 5 mph of posted speed limits.
• Always have your bright headlights on while driving on well lit roadways especially when tailgating.
• Always using the exit ramp lanes to cut off drivers in the rightmost lane.
• Never driving in just one lane especially when driving around curves.
• Always thinking the public roads are practice track for the San Antonio Speedway.

Handicapped Parking in Texas

It is critically important when you are in Texas to always choose to park the in the handicapped parking spaces before any other parking areas. Even when you are going to check your mail at the post office or buy a few items at H-E-B or getting your San Antonio Spurs tickets on your lunch break from a local military post while in uniform, always opt for the handicapped parking areas. If the handicapped parking spaces are used by legitimate handicapped/disabled people, you must yell and shout at them for taking your “special” parking space. How dare they park there? Who do they think they are? They can’t be taking your prized parking space away from you. Remember you are the always the most important person driving in Texas and don’t let anyone forget it.